{"id":7102,"date":"2023-08-16T12:44:59","date_gmt":"2023-08-16T12:44:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.dementiauk.org\/?page_id=7102"},"modified":"2026-03-18T14:05:38","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T14:05:38","slug":"coping-with-feelings-of-guilt-when-you-care-for-someone-with-dementia","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.dementiauk.org\/information-and-support\/looking-after-yourself-as-a-carer\/coping-with-feelings-of-guilt-when-you-care-for-someone-with-dementia\/","title":{"rendered":"Coping with feelings of guilt as a dementia carer"},"content":{"rendered":"

Caring for a person with dementia can be challenging and many people will feel a range of emotions as a carer. One of the most common feelings is of guilt. On this page, our dementia specialist Admiral Nurses explore why carers might feel guilty, how to manage these feelings and how to get support.<\/span><\/p>\n

Is it normal to feel guilty as a carer?<\/a><\/h2>\n

When you are a carer, it\u2019s normal to experience a range of emotions, guilt being one of them. Whether you feel that you\u2019re not the best person to do the job or are struggling to cope, it\u2019s important to remember that you are human and your feelings are valid.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why do I feel guilty?<\/a><\/h2>\n

There are a number of reasons that someone may feel guilty as a carer and each of them deserves talking about and understanding so that you can get support and relieve feelings of guilt<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Caregiver burnout<\/span><\/h3>\n

All of us can face burnout if we are physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted<\/a>. When you are caring for someone with dementia, it is understandable if you become overwhelmed at times. It\u2019s important to recognise how you\u2019re feeling and talk to someone about it to start to tackle burnout.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Not feeling like you\u2019re doing enough<\/span><\/h3>\n

When you are caring for someone with dementia, it is easy to feel that you could be doing more, especially if you have a close relationship with that person. Remind yourself that it is not possible to care for someone on your own 24 hours a day <\/span>\u2013 and that you are doing your best.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Feeling like you are neglecting other areas of your life<\/span><\/h3>\n

It may feel like other areas of your life are being neglected because of your caring duties, such as time with other family members, your friendships, social life or work. We are often our own harshest critics, and talking openly about the situation with the people you feel you\u2019re neglecting may help you feel better understood.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Relationship difficulties<\/span><\/h3>\n

There are many reasons a relationship<\/a> may struggle when someone takes on a caring role. In romantic relationships, it can be challenging to spend quality, one-to-one time with your partner around your caring responsibilities, while children and young people may struggle to understand the challenges of being a caregiver and why you have less time and energy to devote all your energy to them, leading to feelings of guilt. Try to be as open with them as possible to help them understand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Your relationship with the person you are caring for may have also become more difficult, particularly if they cared for you at one point in your life \u2013 for example, if you care for a parent.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Missing life before being a carer<\/span><\/h3>\n

It is normal if you sometimes miss your life before you were a carer and the freedom that came with it. This is common and something that many people feel at times; it doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t want to care for the person you are supporting.<\/span><\/p>\n

Feeling frustrated<\/span><\/h3>\n

The symptoms of dementia<\/a> can be challenging and complex, and it\u2019s understandable if you sometimes become frustrated with the person, particularly if you don\u2019t know how to help them or they are resisting your support. It\u2019s important that if you feel frustrated, you give yourself a few minutes to take a deep breath and feel calmer \u2013 this might involve going into another room, if it\u2019s safe to leave the person briefly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If the person you are caring for is displaying more challenging behaviour or struggling more than they did before, it\u2019s important to talk to their GP about any changes so you can find out about whether any treatments or support may be available.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Wanting a break<\/span><\/h3>\n

While you might feel guilty for wanting to take a break from your caring role, having some time away may allow you to rest and recharge and feel more able to cope with your responsibilities. Respite care or professional home carer could provide the break you need.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Unequal distribution of caring responsibilities<\/span><\/h3>\n

If you are taking on the majority of caring responsibilities and you feel other family members are not pulling their weight, it can feel unfair and lead to feelings of resentment or overwhelm. If this is the case, try talking to others who may be able to help with tasks and calmly explain how you\u2019re feeling, as well as what you need help with.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Feelings of guilt about moving your loved one into a care home<\/span><\/h3>\n

It is natural to feel guilty about moving someone into a care home<\/a>, especially if you have been caring for them up until that point, but it is important to remember that:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n